Warning: political opinions ahead.
I want to talk today about sexism. I don’t usually get into this very much; not that I don’t think it’s important, but more because once you establish yourself as a feminist, there seems to be a bit of an expectation that you’re going to be active and vocal about it. I am perfectly happy to be active and vocal occasionally, but to be honest, constant outrage is just so exhausting. But some of the things I’ve been reading lately have really got my goat.
For example, did you know that I’m considered a “mummy blogger”? This isn’t because my blog is focused on my family, because, if you’ve read any of it, you’ll know that’s not the case. No, it’s because I’m a woman and I blog. Apparently the fact that I have children isn’t even relevant, I would still be called a mummy blogger, if you believe this article. And this bothers me, not only because I’m being stereotyped based solely on my gender, despite any other evidence that doesn’t support the hypothesis.
The thing about “mummy bloggers” is that, by their very nature, they are not taken seriously. Our society doesn’t value the domestic, attaching social value only to things outside the home. Everything that happens inside, it seems, is only useful because it facilitates the external, the professional, aspect of our lives. And the implication with “mummy bloggers” is that they only exist within the domestic sphere, and therefore anything they have to say about anything isn’t worth listening to. What would they know? They’re just mummies.
Naturally, “daddy bloggers” is a phrase that has yet to find a home, probably because men are not defined by their familial status. Listen to missing person descriptions and you’ll hear women described as mothers or grandmothers; men are listed as lawyers or landscape gardeners. But that’s not even what I’m annoyed about, despite the fact that this sexism is still rife within western culture. (I’m not even going to mention other cultures, no matter how much parts of them horrify me. That’s another fight for another day.) No, what I’m annoyed about is the fact that there seems to be this tacit acceptance of it all; that this is all there is, and as far as we’re going to get. And we should be happy with that.
Of course, here in Australia it’s not nearly as bad as the US. When did birth control get controversial again? I thought we had fought those battles forty years ago, and can’t see why they have to be fought again. Why is “feminism” suddenly a dirty word again? Right-wing media types revel in calling any woman who stands up for her rights a “feminazi“, and get applauded for it. Again, in the US, a Republican governor quietly repeals equal pay legislation with the argument that “it’s happening anyway, so why bother keeping the law on the books?” Why indeed? To paraphrase Stephen Colbert, everyone drives on the right anyway, so why bother keeping the law that requires that on the books? The whole thing is ridiculous.
Closer to home, one of my previous guest bloggers, Holly Kench, wrote a post on her own site about her internal battles about whether she should call herself a feminist. Holly recognised that not everyone saw feminism in the same light as she did, and was wary about alienating people, but it’s an important part of her identity so she kept the word. For the record, this is how she defines feminism (quoted from the post linked to above):
Seeing that there are imbalances in community, societal and cultural values, and wanting to do something about them.
Refusing the suggestion that any one person has a right to control any other person’s body, identity, or mind, or what that person chooses to do with their body, identity, or mind.
Believing that everyone’s choices and views are their own.
Accepting that everyone is different, and celebrating that fact.
That’s something to be proud of, right? At least, I would think so. But then again, the second point would probably have some people up in arms and calling her a “feminazi”, because her world view doesn’t match their own. Sigh. Feminism has even become such a reviled term in some quarters that perfectly sane, logically-minded women avoid organisations that promote women’s rights.
There are a number of high-profile people who label themselves feminists, and who actively lead the fight, who I admire deeply. Tara Moss, the former model and now best selling fiction author, is someone who never misses an opportunity to educate people and get the message out there. I admire that, I really do. But doing it all the time really wears you out.
I don’t want to be up in arms about the labelling of women’s writing, women’s fiction and what women read. I don’t want to rebel against the term “chick lit” despite how un-professional it sounds as a genre and how derided it is by other (particularly male) authors. I don’t want to be fighting for validation as an author simply because what I write is designed to appeal to 51% of the population. I also don’t want to live in a society where any labels used primarily for women seem to be derogatory and undervalued. But the fact remains, despite what I want, I think I will have to. The world simply hasn’t caught up yet.
Related articles
- Is the ‘mummy culture’ undermining feminism? (changingwomen.org)
- The rise of the “mummy blogger” (blogs.abc.net.au)
- Thoughts on Intergenerational Feminism (feministhistorynerds.wordpress.com)
- What, Exactly, Does a Feminist Look Like? [Feminism] (jezebel.com)
- We cannot have it all because we no longer have dreams (tigerbeatdown.com)
I’ve always liked your blog, but this post makes me like it (and you!) even more. And yes, unfortunately, the struggle still continues, and fight against it we must. Not just for ourselves, but also for our daughters. I am afraid that each new generation of women will have to fight against sexism. Unfortunately, we have not encouraged each other to tell our stories and our experiences with sexism, and so there is no common sense of history that we share as women. So until we begin to openly have a conversation about the effects of sexism and misogyny on women, we can’t be expected to eliminate it.
I made a documentary about this subject entitled “No Girls Allowed.” It deals with the last American public high school to be gender integrated in 1983. You can read more about this topic at its website: http://nogirlsallowedfilm.com
Thanks Darlene! It’s such a shame, isn’t it, that we have to keep fighting the same fights over and over again. You make an excellent point in that the dialogue between generations just doesn’t seem to be there, and a sense of shared history would probably make a big difference. I will definitely check out your documentary, but it will have to wait until next week at the earliest. That’s when school goes back and I get my days back
Ah yes, I remember those days. Have you heard of the term, “second shift?” That’s the term for moms who also have other work that they do. The film’s website will be there when you have a moment to spare. We’re still doing post production, and our goal for the non-profit, educational film is to get it out there to schools so we can start an important discussion about sexism.
Yes, I know about the second shift. It never ends, does it?
I definitely shall check out that website, and I look forward to seeing your documentary once it’s finished – you’ll have to tell me where I can find it. I know a few teachers here so even though we haven’t lost quite so much ground as has been lost in the US, maybe we can get that dialogue started up again here.
You are so right! Women still don’t have free choice and equity around the world, even in the so called ‘first world countries’ like Australia and the US we still have problems as you point out. There is nothing wrong with being a ‘mummy blogger’ or a ‘daddy blogger’ it is just a shame that women continue to be penalized for their choices and much of the penalty comes from other women! Unfortunately so many women still don’t have choice or more importantly a voice at the table of economic and political decision making that effects them. Who would have thought that the US repealed a law regarding equal pay? In 2012? And yet they complain and make a fuss about other cultures and the way that they treat women and children instead of looking at their own culture.
If there were a group of men that whose choices were maligned, disregarded, margalised and discriminated against they would take up arms, or make lots of noise. So, for our daughters, our sons, ourselves, our partners and for the benefit of those without choice, those of us who can make a noise will make a noise for as long as it takes!
And you, too, are absolutely right. While males would never stand for this sort of thing, yet we just accept it on a daily basis. And the look-in-your-own-backyard syndrome is so true, too, and not just in sexism. People are far more likely to get up in arms about starvation and lack of medical care in other parts of the world than they are about people suffering the same in their own country. I would never have believed some of the things that are happening in the US, though, if I hadn’t seen it unfolding before my eyes. I don’t think it’s coincidence either that a lot of the unions being maligned over there feature workers who are predominantly female. (Don’t get me started on sexual health over there. That’s a whole blog post in its own right.) Fortunately in Australia it’s much better, but there is still so far to go. The article about mummy bloggers I referenced, for example, is an Australian one.
I absolutely agree too that a lot of the derision is, unfortunately, coming from other women. I have a theory about that which I may go into at another time, but in the meantime it’s such a shame that people feel the need to be so competitive! Why can’t we just support each other? Look at what the media call “the mummy wars”, where stay-at-home mothers are at loggerheads with their working counterparts. Me, I think the only wrong way to be a mother is to not do your best. If that involves working because you need the money or the stimulation, then so be it. If you’re the type who is happiest at home, then that’s fine too. Criticising each other does no one any good and only benefits everyone who thinks that mothers have nothing relevant to offer.
Gee, I seem to have gone on another rant. Sorry! It just drives me crazy, as I’m sure you can appreciate. Thanks for the comment!
I shared this on facebook. I am 53 and I grew up in an environment where I saw the doors open and women’s rights increase and now to see this pendulum swing…I still do not get it why on earth should EQUAL rights be called feminism?
Ilike your blog but today I admire it.
Thank you! I’m totally with you – why is a fight for equality called feminism? And why is it such a terrible thing for women to have some control over their own lives? Sigh. I appreciate your sharing this post, that means a lot to me so thank you.
Years ago I got Susan Faludi’s Backlash as a Christmas gift from a family member , as I stared at the book a bit confused he said. It is the most popular read for all feminists…as I was mending his clothes and ironing..cooking…I had to laugh! Me a feminist?
It is absurd! But if you think about it when America was born in 1776 We the people..who were ALL created equal was really speaking only of white male land owners…as women, minorities and the downtrodden had no voice or vote!
Always glad to share such a worthwhile post.
Yes the whole birth control thing again – so glad I moved. It’s funny because the Conservatives in the UK are similar to the dems in the US in terms of ideology. The whole of Europe is horrified by the Republicans – there would never be parties here that were close, though Europe is, for the most part, ambivalent to religion, so that’s part of it. There is a label here (the UK) for “Man Trash.” I guess it’s the books my husband reads that aren’t nonfiction, but I couldn’t really describe them, usually to do with sci-fi or history with men fighting wars or something.
It’s almost mindblowing how far to the right the Republicans in the US have become. The irony of course is that they claim to be doing much of it in the name of religion, yet Jesus (their lord and saviour) preached that we should be doing much of what they are protesting against. (Then again, the Catholic Church needs to share some of the blame – but again, that is another rant for another day.)
I love the idea of “man trash”! That sounds brilliant. It’s the first time I’ve heard of a male equivalent for chick-lit, or the “trashy” novels that are all aimed at women. I think we need to encourage the use of this term worldwide from now on.
I loved this post, and I think it’s such a sad fact (apart from all the other sad facts!) that women have to think about whether they should call themselves feminists or not. There’s such a negative cliché attached to the word… How did we let that happen?!?
It’s all deeply, deeply frustrating, because like you said – this has been fought over – and apparently settled – before, and there are so many other frontiers to fight at, yet still, here it is.
Oh, I know. It looks like this is a battle that will need to be fought over and over. I had never realised all the ground that we made up in the sixties and seventies could be so easily lost, and with so little resistance. As Darlene said above, we need to ensure that there’s a dialogue between the generations so we all understand just how important this all is. Thanks for the comment!
I was very taken by this comment: “And the implication with “mummy bloggers” is that they only exist within the domestic sphere, and therefore anything they have to say about anything isn’t worth listening to. What would they know? They’re just mummies.”
A colleague and I teach a course called the “First Six Weeks Parenting Course” where we discuss in depth the issues that confront new parents and one of the biggest for women is the complete lack of respect for the new role they have taken on – being a mother and parent. This is seen in every day interactions — what is the first question a stranger asks you at a party? “What do you do.” Our persona is wrapped up in our profession. To suddenly have the profession of ‘Mum’ is often quite disastrous for women’s feeling of self-worth. Sadly, feminism (that has won so many victories for women (and men)) has failed to make the domestic sphere a valuable one. Parenting the next generation is the most important role and adult can have and yet this is not recognised. I am a stay-at-home-Dad (this is an equally appalling title as ‘Mummy Blogger’) and a writer but being male does not protect me from the oprobrium of working in the domestic sphere.
An excellent post, Emily. This is a great blog written by a Blogger (and that’s a good enough title for me).
David
Thank you, David! It’s especially gratifying to read this comment given that it’s the first one by a man. I didn’t want to think I had alienated my male readership (such as I have a readership), but then again I thought that these things needed to be said.
You are absolutely right in that the profession of “mum” is denigrated and looked down upon. I remember an episode of The Simpsons where the kids were supposed to accompany a parent to work to see what they did all day, and the school decreed that “home-maker” was not a legitimate job. Sure, it was parody, but it reflects only too accurately the way so many people feel. Even I fall victim to this: I’ve not worked for pay since March last year when my second son was born, but I still call myself a public servant. Perhaps if I wasn’t still employed by them (my leave ends soon) I would feel more like describing myself as a mother, but then again as you pointed out, that position has no respect attached to it. The mother of one of my 5yo’s friends is a stay-at-home mum, but she feels the need to tell people about some freelance work she does when they ask her about her profession. “Mum” just isn’t enough.
I would love to make the domestic sphere valuable again, but then we would have to add value to the nitty-gritty that makes a household function: the grocery shopping and meal planning, the laundering of clothes, the dusting, vacuuming and mopping, the washing of dishes. Every now and then someone in the media works out what it would cost to pay someone to do these tasks, and the dollar figure is incredibly high, yet still no one seems to value the work.
I applaud you for working in the domestic sphere and being unashamed of it. Sadly, people like you are few and far between.
Thanks for your kind comments, Emily.
You and most of the other correspondents here are probably too young to recall a BBC comedy called “Butterflies.” It is a light look at one woman’s fight in the late 1970s to escape from domestic drudgery and find some meaning in making coffee for her husband (who doesn’t have a clue what is going on around her. I recall quite enjoying it when I was younger and have got myself a copy of ebay. I am now sharing it with my son (aged 14). He can’t believe how women were treated a mere thirty years ago. It is very educational and he can now see why feminism is so important. I’m pleased that another generation is seeing that feminism isn’t only about women but is about improved quality of life for everyone.
I admit I’m not familiar with that show, but I do remember an episode of Yes, Minister (or possibly Yes, Prime Minister) where they tackled women’s rights. Watching that now, it’s easy to laugh at what was being fought for because we take so much for granted now – and that’s the early 80s. I’m pleased that your son has had that reaction to Butterflies, though. Clearly, you are doing something right.
Pingback: Gender norms are nonsense. Oh, and then there’s that hypersexualisation of women thing too. « feministmeup
A friend of mine (who is pregnant and is about to become a mum for the first time) just posted this about feminism…
“feminism has fought no wars. it has killed no
opponents.
it has set up no concentration camps, starved no
enemies,
practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for
education, for the vote, for better working
conditions,
for safety on the streets, for childcare, for social
welfare,
for rape crisis centers, women’s refugees, reforms in
the law.
if someone says, “oh, i’m not a feminist,’ i ask ‘why?’
what’s your problem?”
(feminism image here:)
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s720x720/487330_10151091306388523_202497330_n.jpg
Bravo! What an excellent description! It seems your friend, like me, has a lot of trouble understanding why it’s suddenly such a dirty word again. If only those in charge of the regressive anti-feminist policies so much on the rise in America could read – and understand – those words.
Emily, I love your blog and what you do. I applaud you for speaking out. Here in Hong Kong, a career woman is the epitomy of status. I was one – a university lecturer with a management/admin. post delegating to others. When I told family and friends I was retiring to be a parent and housewife, wow, I did not expect them to say things like: “A housewife?” (denigrating tone) and. “I can’t imagine being a housewife with no income and no conversation except how cheap a product is in the supermarket.”
My colleagues were more supportive: “Yeah, great!” because the truth is, there are working, career women who want to be full-time parents and not have to work if their husbands are willing to support them i.e. the word – willing. As a ‘domestic goddess’ and a housewife, I’m proud to be one. I am a feminist. Feminism has done so much for woman as defined by Darlene. It’s about time feminism did something for us hardworking housewives (and househusbands!) and bring us the recognition we need. Gosh, I could rant on my own blog about this.
Thank you Alison! And good on you for being proud to swap the professional sphere for the domestic. There is a degree of adjustment, of course – not having one’s own money to be in control of is something I would really struggle with – but it should be respected just as a profession is. As David Vernon said, we are raising the next generation, and what could be more important than that?